BELLA's DILEMMA
by Nanadb
Summary: Edward or Jacob. Bella had finally found a solution for her dilemma. She wants them both. Story set after ECLIPSE, not including the epiloge. Rated M for good reason. E/B. J/B. E/B/J. First Smutty story... Review!
1. Frustation and Decision

**Edward or Jacob, natural mortal enemies. She is in love with them both and she has to choose between them. It's a dilemma she has to live with. Now she had finally found a solution. **

**She wants both of them. **

**But, what do Edward and Jacob want? Would Bella get what she wants? Story set after ECLIPSE, not including the epilogue.**

**First smutty story, please be nice. And review…**

While I sat crossed legged on the huge bed in Edward's room, _our_ room, looking the third finger of my left hand; which was rested on top of my lap; my mind wandered through some of the events that had take place on my existence. I had to admit that my life had been much easier two and a half years ago, when I was alone; living with my mother and her new husband, under the pleasant and familiar heat of Phoenix.

After I moved to Forks with my dad, under the constant cover of clouds and surrounded by the evergreen forest; all that I known, all that I cared about, all what I believe in… everything in my world was turned upside down.

But the easy way is not always the most satisfactory one, is it? Sometimes is necessary to walk a through a hard way to get to one want.

Ever since Edward showed up in my life, I had been the happiest person in the world; even though our relationship was most of the time strained in some way, he being a vampire and me being a human.

Edward was everything I could ever ask, much more than that. He was the personification of perfection; even though he had his flaws. But those flaws made him, unbelievably, even more perfect than he already was. If than was humanly possible… But well, he was not human after all.

After that horrible accident in my 18th birthday and after Edward and his family decide to leave Forks in behave of my own safety; I felt as if I had drawn in a sea of hopeless, a sea of despair. I felt as if I was never going to be the same.

And how right I was then.

Those months after Edward's departure, was my darkest time. But eventually the sun came out, _my_ sun came out.

Jacob.

He radiated brightness; he was the one who give me light in that dark time of mine, the one who pulled me out of the sea of hopeless. He was all I had for a long time, I loved him. Nevertheless, his feelings for me were way too different of mines for him; his feelings went beyond from a mere friendship. Yet, there were times when I pondered if I could be happy with him, not if he _could _make me happy; of that, there was no doubt. It was _me_ the one who had obstacles to reach happiness; it was _me _who was broken beyond repair… The question was: Was I willing to be fixed by someone else besides the one that had broken me?

The trip to Italy, after Alice's vision, cleared up that question. No. I was not willing to be fixed by someone else besides Edward. After that visit to The Volturis, and after I had experienced in my own flesh what it was like to live with the absence of Edward; it was quite clear that my life without him was not life at all.

Edward and his family's return had created an abysmal distance between Jacob and me in some way. I knew it was mostly because deep inside Jacob had the hope that someday I would come to my senses and finally accept him as more than just a friend. That hope of his was, if not destroyed, at least diminished when Edward was back in my life. I missed Jacob day and night; I missed his company, his laugh, his face, and our careless afternoons in his garage… I missed my friend.

It had been three weeks since the new born's battle. Three weeks since I had realized that I loved Jacob as more than a friend, since I realized what he always knew; that I was indeed in love with him. Three weeks since the last time I saw him, lying on his bed all injured. Three weeks since I made my choice and agreed to marry Edward; because I was sure that _that _was the right thing to do. And I do not regret that decision. I really don't.

Then, why I'm not happy about it?

I knew that I had the answer. I knew it was because Jacob had become an essential part of my life. I had become as dependent of his presence, as I was dependent of Edward's presence. I knew my life could not continue in the right way if Jacob wasn't in it. But I also knew I wouldn't be able to have him in my life as just a friend anymore, not after I discovered my real feelings for him. Edward knew that as well and even though he would never say a thing about it, I knew he was nervous and afraid that I might be having second though about him. The reality was that I wasn't having second thoughts about him or the wedding. I wasn't having any kind of second thought. Well… maybe about one thing.

I was absolutely positive that I could not undergo to live without Edward, not again. And the reason I wasn't completely happy with the wedding, was because it would determine the end of my friendship with Jacob, the end of any kind of relationship with him. And it was not the wedding _per se_, it was what would happen after the wedding. My transformation.

So, my decision was made after hours and hours of thought. I knew that Edward as well as Jacob would be pleased with it. Jake would be ecstatic and Edward… well, he would be ecstatic as well.

Because if they had something in common, was that all they ever wanted was for me to choose _not_ to be transformed, to choose that my heart kept beating, to choose _life_…

I had moved to the Cullen house a week ago, in persistence of Alice. She claimed that the wedding's plans would be way easier if we were under the same roof. Charlie had taken both news, the wedding and my moving, like it was expected; his reaction was near of a heart attack, but he said he had saw it coming, so he was not as aggravated after he came out of the shock.

Firstly, the wedding date was due to august 13th; for I was not going to wait to turn nineteen to be transformed. However, after I informed Edward of my decision of stay human; he convince me that there was no rush for the wedding, and it would give Alice more time to plan it. Now it was said, it let me with another problem apart from Jacob.

Edward was still determined to wait until the after the wedding to have sex, even after what he said on our meadow; that we would do things my way. But I couldn't complaint; we _were_ doing things in my way… that day in the meadow he was willing to do it and I had convinced him to wait after we were married, contradicting myself. But now, with the wedding months away, I wasn't sure I could carry out with the promise I made.

Two cold arms wrapping around my waist drifted me away of my thoughts and bringing me back to the present. Edward settled his chin where my left shoulder and my neck met. My heart went wild with his touch, as it did every time with just the mere knowledge of his presence near me.

"I should be used by now… but it is still utterly frustrating not to know what is going through your head. It drives me crazy" he whispered the last part in my ear in his velvety voice, washing all the space around us with the scent of his breath and sending shivers down my spine. My heart skipped a beat and it took everything I had inside of me, just to find my voice.

"Well, I guess you will have to learn how to live frustrated" I said with my voice cracking.

"You know, that is not the only frustration I have. Maybe you could help me with one" he nuzzled the crook of my neck.

Kissing his way from the left side of it, passing the back of my neck and finally reaching the right side of it. I tilted my head to a side to grant him more space. I gasped when his cold tongue made contact with the heated skin of my neck, then it moved upward to the spot behind my ear. I couldn't help but moan when he nibbled my earlobe at the time that one of his hands slid underneath the blouse I was wearing and grazed the side of my waist.

I was overtaken by his actions; the most far we have got in our physical relationship was kissing. And there were rare occasions when the kiss got too carried away. But this was the first time that his tongue make contact with _any_ part of my body, and I mean _any_; even my lips. Which were craving to taste him in all his glory.

I knew this was difficult for him; he had to go step by step. Probing to see how far he could go under control. I wanted to make this as easy as possible for him. I turned around slowly in his embrace, not wanting to startle him.

Now we were both kneeled on the bed in front of each other. One of his hands was still under my blouse, now in my lower back, while the other was resting in my waist. I reached a glance to his perfect face. The fine line of his jaw, the smooth and stony lips I had grown to know so much, his gold smoldering and piercing eyes…

He lifted the hand that was on my waist to cup my face on it, and leaned in to kiss me. The kiss was gentle at first, our lips moving softly; he slowly picked up the pace, making the kiss more urgent. My hands went to the back of his neck as he licked my upper lip, silently asking for entrance, elating a moan from me in response. I was stunned that he would go this far, this was so completely new to me, to both of us.

My mouth opened on its own accord as his cool breath mingled with mine. Tentatively and slowly, his tongue reached into my mouth, searching the unknown and unexplored area. After what seemed an eternity of becoming acquainted with my mouth, his tongue finally met mine, touching for the first time. As soon as they met, a current of electricity shot through me, and I could tell that he felt it too.

He broke the kiss much too soon for me and laid my back softly on the pillows. He was hovering on top of me now, resting his weight on his elbows and forearms, one at each side of me, so he wouldn't crush me. His mouth kissed my cheeks moving to the side of my neck where he, more confident now, slid his tongue, placing wet kisses all around it. My breathing was coming erratically now and I felt as if my heart was about to burst out of my chest at any time.

"I… I've ch-changed m-my mind" I stuttered between pants

"What do you mean you've change your mind?" Edward asked while he moved to the other side of my neck.

"I… I told you, you would be the first to know" I said trying to control my breathing. I took his face in both my hands and lifted it so I could see his eyes "I don't want to wait. I want to do it. Now" I said, surprised of the confidence with which I managed to say it.


	2. As Far as It Would Go

_Previously…_

"_I… I've ch-changed m-my mind" I stuttered between pants_

"_What do you mean you've change your mind?" Edward asked while he moved to the other side of my neck._

"_I… I told you, you would be the first to know" I said trying to control my breathing. I took his face in both my hands and lifted it so I could see his eyes "I don't want to wait. I want to do it. Now" I said, surprised of the confidence with which I managed to say it._

* * *

I tried to read the emotions as they crossed his face. The first was confusion, as thought he didn't know what I meant. I wondered for a moment if he would need a reminder or an indication, but then realized he probably didn't; he had after all a great memory.

He looked into my eyes, searching for an answer to my request.

The moment my eyes focused in his molten golden ones, all rational thought in my mind was replace by Edward, even my need for Jacob; which at some point, had grew as strong as my need for Edward. All the anxiety I had been living these past three weeks, from the last time I had known of Jake, the ache that had been left in my chest from my last visit to him. The images of his pained face, as he realized that, at that time, my feelings for him weren't enough for me to choose him. If he or Edward only knew, that I could no longer choose between them, I wasn't strong enough to do it.

All those feelings, all those thoughts, were banished from my mind. Edward. He was all I needed in that instant. Feeling his body slightly pressed up against me; his scent invading all the space around us, intoxicating me… With my hands still cupping his face, I forced him with all my miserable human strength to lean in. He complied hesitantly and brought our lips together, his eyes still confused.

He moved his soft lips slowly against mines, then he licked my upper lip asking for entrance which I excitedly complied. One of his hands went to the hem of my blouse and slid underneath it, caressing with softly and cold touches my stomach and the sides of my waist while our tongues moved in a sensual synchrony.

I wrapped one of my legs around his thigh and my hands went of their own all over his arms, his shoulders, the back of his neck, his smooth silky hair.

"God, Bella… I love you" he half groaned. He placed kisses all over my jaw and down to my neck. I moaned as he lightly nibbled and licked my earlobe.

My left hand move to the nape of his neck while the right one moved all over his back, feeling, even through the fabric, all his muscles contract with even the lightest of my touches.

I was panting nearly uncontrollably; my pulse was hammering against every inch of my body. I was on fire despite having Edward's cold skin almost against mine. I could feel my beast tense up with every light touch of Edward's chest. I needed him to do something… anything. It was almost painful.

Out of instinct I slowly moved down the hand that was caressing his back. At first I just caressed his bottom, a thing I had never done before. It was round and firm, I moved my hand in circles and then gave it a slight squeeze.

"Bella…" Edward whispered against my collarbone. He made a path of kissed till he reached my mouth where I was gladly waiting.

He kissed me more urgently, moving one hand to caress my thigh placing it right in his hip. The heat between my legs was nearly unbearable. The hand that was in his ass brought him closer to me and I froze for a second when I felt it.

He was erected. He had a freaking erection and it was right between my legs, touching me where I needed it most. In the back of my mind that gave me more confidence to do this… I had done this to him. I had aroused him.

Obviously he felt it too, because he broke the kiss and tried to pull away. But for once in my life I was faster than him. I pushed him to me again, harder this time…

"Oh God, Edward…" I moaned as groaned.

"Bella… ugh…" groan "Bella… we should stop"

"Oh no, please Edward…" I half moaned as I pushed again "Ugh… I want you" I moved mi hips upwards this time "Fuck… Edward, oh God… I need you"

"Ugh… Bella… this is dangerous" he whispered against my neck. His voice sounded like he was trying his best to control himself, though whispering in that place wasn't helping much to _my_ control.

I moved my hips I a circle this time and the friction that created the movement was just what I needed. "Edward… please" I panted moving my hips against his.

He wasn't moving, he just held still there, only breathing heavily in my neck. But my hopes hadn't vanished yet… at least he hadn't pulled away from me.

I kept moving slightly against him. I could feel something dripping between my legs and I knew that if I kept the movement I would cum soon. But I didn't want to cum like this… I wanted Edward to make me do it.

"Oh God, Edward… Please" I groaned "I need you Edward… I want you; please don't push away me again. I need you"

I knew the tears were coming, I just hoped Edward didn't notice. It was just that I needed him so badly. Not only the physical contact, though that was a big part of it in this moment. It was all the things together…

I had always been sure that I needed only one person with me so I could live happily: Edward. And now that had change. Jacob had become another indispensable person of my life… I could not be completely happy unless both of them were in it in some way. But of course, I being the most selfish person in the world, didn't conform to having them the way they were now… no, I wanted more of both of them.

I wanted Jacob to be more than just my friend, even though I have Edward… and in the other hand, here I was, asking Edward to push our physical relationship further when I was plenty conscious that it was hard for him.

And if that wasn't enough, I had to add to the list that, me giving up being a vampire, I had given up a possibility of life I thought I was sure I wanted, I had given up the possibility of being forever with Edward. And I deep inside of me, I knew the real reason of it… I was not to become a vampire if that meant that Jacob could no longer be in my life in some way. And now that I had decided not to do it, he was definitely not in it…

So yes, I desperately needed Edward. I needed to know that at least one thing was certain in my life, that one thing was constant…

"I'm here Bella, don't cry" Edward said kissing away a few tears I didn't know had left my eyes.

He cupped my face in both of his hands and looked at me in the eye. "I love you Bella. I will be here with you, always… So please, do not doubt that"

I sometimes asked myself if he was just pretending to not be able to read my mind. "I love you too" I lifted my face t kiss him.

When the kiss became too intense, he slid one hand underneath me and cupped my butt. I moaned when he thrust slightly against me. He did it again, this time pushing me toward him at the same time I moved in small circles.

"I won't push you away ever again, Bella" he said in the middle of a groan "But you most tell me… ugh… if I hurt you" he thrust again.

"Oh God… I will Edward… I will" he thrust again, harder this time and I threw my head back. He kissed from my earlobe, passing by my jaw, my throat, my neck, my collarbone, the top of my breasts…

He looked up at me "And you most tell me if I'm going too far… I'll stop whenever you want me to" he said before kissing me just in my left nipple. He slid his left underneath my blouse, caressing my belly bottom with his cold long and smooth fingers. He traced a path upwards with his fingertips, causing me to shiver slightly.

When he reached the base of the left breast, which he was still giving attention, he looked up at me again "Will you tell me if you want me to stop?" he asked in a husky voice I had never heard before.

I looked back at him. He was a vision to behold. One hand beneath me, the other underneath my blouse, his lips right above my covered nipple, the smooth lines of his face… his eyes, usually golden brown or black, were totally different… a few darker shades of golden with a fine black line on the border.

But it was not the color what held my attention there, it was what they transmitted. Love, desire, lust, adoration… and I was overwhelmed, because all those things were the feelings Edward had for me. I cupped his face in both my hands and brought him so our faces were on the same level.

"I don't want you to stop Edward… Never" I said before kissing him, willing to take this as far as it would go.


End file.
